Helicopter Boyz

Them fuck heads in Copenhagen might have condemned us to a slow-painful death by melting, but it makes me feel better knowing the Helicopter Boyz are out there, doing their thing.

Knowledge Bomb 488

From Hoehn, by way of Kottke

My favorite part of The Dark Knight is when the Joker is talking to Harvey Dent in the hospital, and he says: “Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I caught it! You know, I just DO things… I’m not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are.”

And therein lies the best career advice I could possibly dispense: just DO things. Chase after the things that interest you and make you happy. Stop acting like you have a set path, because you don’t. No one does. You shouldn’t be trying to check off the boxes of life; they aren’t real and they were created by other people, not you. There is no explicit path I’m following, and I’m not walking in anyone else’s footsteps. I’m making it up as I go.

David McWilliams “Follow The Money”

I wonder if the final chapter of economist David McWilliam’s new book “Follow the Money” indeed ‘follows the money’ directly into his own bank account following the successful peddling of his own brand of flashy shock-and-awe economic story-telling?

*Snort!*

As you were.

Time and Ham

This morning as I struggled for the umpteenth time to open a packet of Denny’s Cooked Ham I wondered to myself, how much time have I wasted struggling to open packets of Denny’s Cooked Ham? Quite frankly, the question terrified me. Do I want to know the answer? Is it minutes, hours, days? What could I have done in that time? Learned to play the theme song to Star Wars on the piano? Watched half of Taxi Driver? Bought, easily opened and then made a sandwich with the contents of Shaw’s Cooked Ham?

Which then begs the question, how long have I spent pondering how long i’ve spend struggling to open packets of Denny’s Ham? The only result of this train of thought is a kind of mental singularity, wherein insanity and a good soiling of my trousers are the only likely outcomes.

Ask yourself, how long have you spent reading about a man thinking about how long he’s spent opening packets of Ham?

The Future of News

Rupert Murdoch is traversing the globe blowing out of his arse about how he’s going to force the plebs to pay for his news. (Which includes, of course, Fox News). The last act of a desperate man? Definitely, but if he thinks Google are the enemy he’s got his head up the wrong news-rectum. The Chinese have just changed the game. Set eye-balls to stun, and experience the 3D re-enactment of Tiger Woods’s car-crash spectacular. No more words needed. This is the future of news. Not Twitter, not Fox, not Google. This.

Crowd sourcing

Folks, quick question. I think I may have just invented something, but it might already exist, so I need your help.

Did I just invent hoodies that have a hat build into the hood? Like a cap/hood combo? Did I just invent that?

If so, I’m gonna be rich. I could sell them to cunts in Urban Outfitters and H&M. Rich I tell you. Rich.

Please don’t steal my idea.

BPP Professional Education, number one in Irelad!

Go Irelad!

George Carlin – Jacko Was The Greatest

(via Harry Allen)

The Final Countdown

This is the 481st post on this blog.

The 500th post will be the last post ever published on “Off The Meatrack”. Consider yourself duly notified. This should give you plenty of time to begin making arrangements to start reading other blogs, receive professional counseling or perform mass ritualistic suicide.

(Note: At my current rate of posting, the last ever post will be published some time in late 2017)

My plan to save RTE

It’s telling that the best program by a country mile short-listed for the entertainment.ie Best Irish TV Show is a show made up of clips from the news from years ago when everything was actually shitter than it is now. As good as it is an all, I suspect however, that the appeal of a show like Reeling in the Years is to help convince ourselves that we’ve survived being shit-poor before and lived to tell the tale, with better haircuts and jumpers.

The only other good show RTE has ever made, ever, is Bachelor’s Walk. And you know why that’s not available on DVD? Its because they don’t want to remind anyone that they once made a good show, lest we demand it again.

Two good shows in decades of churning them out is a pretty poor ratio. So, statistically we are likely to never see a good program ever made by our State broadcaster ever again. With this in mind, coupled with the other statistic that the only time I watch RTE for more than 10 minutes EVER is when Father Ted is on, I propose that all license fee money is immediately pulled from funding TV shows and the channel resorts to showing nothing but Father Ted. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. All Ted, all the time.

The money saved could then be used to roll out broadband to the whole country, so we can watch telly made by the Yanks. Or clips of people slipping on their arse

It’s times like these I wish guns were legal here. Just so I could buy a shotgun and shoot the telly Elvis-style when Kathleen Lynch appears on it.