One Drink Too Many

That’s going to be the title of my autobiography. It’s pretty much my motto at the moment, and will probably be etched on my grave stone.

It’s funny, because as drunk as I was, a little sober part of my conscious self, awash in a sea of booze, clinging for dear life to a rocky outpost of common sense that stands alone in the alcoholic ocean of my mind, chanted to me ” you’ve had enough, you’re having fun!”, but still, that other demon was chewing my medulla oblongata whilst pointing over at the bar, a snide, sneaky grin on his face…..

If alcohol was like syrup or treacle i’d be much better off. The problem is that liquid is tooo easy to drink.

I think I used too many comma’s in this entry, but alas I am too hungover to care.

Sergeant Detective Cup of Tea reporting for duty.

So, without much shock, there was a riot in Dublin today. Now, I’d like to meet the genius’s in the Gardai who allowed this whole thing to happen. A cup of tea could have told you that letting a bunch of Loyalist’s march through Dublin would stir up trouble. A CUP OF FUCKING TEA. It’s mental. Anyway, my own summation of the whole debacle is:
Everyone involved are knobheads.
The Love Ulster peoples are knobheads for wanting to march around Dublin.
The Gardai are knobheads for letting them.
And the knobheads who thought a great way to protest against Northern Irish Loyalists would be to smash up their own city are complete knobheads.
A big knobheads convention was held in Dublin today then.

Anyway, not that i’m entirely anti-violence. I quite like watching violence.
Did someone say SOCCER VIOLENCE COMPILATION.
Including some classic Man Yoo-Arse face offs.
(for those without the benefit of sound, it’s set to D-12’s “Fight Music”)

I also like movie trailers…..I dunno what it is about them, but I like them. And this is one of the best I have ever seen….I’m too hungover to go into a laboured description of why I like it so much (I could) but it’s just perfect for what it is. Can’t wait for the film either…Awesome.

In other news, go get Friday’s Indo and read James Lawton’s article about the weeks results and what he has to say about Wenger. Then shut your stupid mouths.

This week Arsenal reminded us of who they used to be, and who they might be again.

That was of course todays mightily predictable loss. Here’s a tip. NEVER HAVE HOPE. Hope is for suckers and Jesus freaks.

Oh, and some one told a funny joke last night about the Liverpool fans rocking Alan Smyth to sleep in his ambulance. har har.

Attn : ITV Football Commentators

You are idiots. I’ve heard more insightful comments about the beautiful game from my 3-year old nephew when he shouts the word “FOOTBALL!” 27 times in a row whilst trying to stick a toy fire engine up his nose. David Pleat’s contributions are probably the result of a computer which is programmed to repeat the same words as the other commentator has said, but in a different order. But the cake surely is taken by Peter Drury, the man seems to be in a constant state of disbelief. At one stage, when the scoreline (Real 0 – Arsenal 1) was displayed on screen, he gushed “Do Not Adjust Your Set! – THAT IS THE SCORE!” which would lead you to believe the text actually read “Hitler Youth 6 – Giant Robots 1,000,000″. Don’t get me wrong, it was a fantastic result, but Drury was acting like it was the first time football have ever been played. He did however chime in with some really fascinating info…when Abou Diaby was brought on, Peter wisely advised us that “Diaby is eligible to play, despite having played in the UEFA Cup this year, thanks to UEFA Champions League rule number 15.30……the paragraph about eligibiltity”. Amazing!

Anways, Arsenal won. Hooray!

Meat-packing and other innuendos…

What does it say about 4th year degree students that the mention of the term “meat-packers” sends us into fits of laughter?

Speaking of which, apparently, there’s loads of these Brokeback Mountain parody’s doing the rounds, the Back to the Future one is still tops, but this one is pretty good too. The Empire Breaks Back… Does go to highlight the rampant homoeroticism in our favourite films…in first year in college our Film lecturer tried to claim that us lads who liked Fight Club were responding to “deep rooted homoerotic urges”. I think she just couldn’t get a ride and was bitter.
Here’s some links for you…
Beat 18 seconds…this game will send you nuts.
And this pointless game will calm you down
This game is somewhere in the middle….

Ricky Gervais is drug dealing scum

The first one is free, but then once you’re hooked, he jacks up the price! That’s right, the next series of Gervais’s bum-splittingly funny podcasts are going to be available by subscription only. Shame really, the first series of podcasts, available here were some of the funniest things my ears have ever had the pleasure of hearing. The star of the show not even being Gervais, but his egg-headed friend, the legendary Karl Pilkington. The series was the most popular podcast EVER according to the people who know (The Guinness book), but now us mere mortals will have to pay our hard earned pennies inorder to here them. Shame isn’t it, cause it’s not like this kind of thing can be found on the internet for free is it?

Corporate Love

Yes! It’s the most arbitrary, pointless day of the year. A day when people are shamed into spending money on useless cards and teddy bears that have no significance for the rest of the year. A vile, money making trap conjured up in a secret meeting between Hallmark executives and restaurant owners, designed to ensnare couples who have been tricked into thinking they need to endorse this sham of a non-event in order to prove they have feelings for each other. Fuck that. Why do we feel compelled to join in on this giant conspiracy? If you are in love, why should you have to purchase a dog holding a heart to prove it? Because you’re and idiot, and your whipped by a bigger idiot. The world will be buzzing tonight with the clink and clank of restaurants filled with robotic couples going through the motions. He’d rather be in a pub watching the football, and she’d rather be with someone else, yet they’ve been lulled into this motionless dance of the damned, whilst in a darkened room a cabal of greeting card executives laugh wildly….

Bitter, me? No, sure did I not recieve valentines greetings from none other than the SONY CORPORATION. . I fancy Panasonic.

Babies, procrastination and the Beastie Boys

Well, congratulations first of all to my good buddy Soccerball who gave birth to a healthy little girl yesterday. Mother and sprog are doing fine, job well done to her and her boyfriend in constructing a new human being. Couldn’t see myself doing it, children to me are a strange breed. I enjoy their company on a self-amusement level (er…that sounds wrong), in that I delight myself in threatening them with all manner of strange deeds (like putting them in the oven, or even more elaborate threats) and speaking to them in a gibberish code, but the thought that I may have to instill in them some form of moral decency and other wise life instruction is completely beyond me. Im barely capable of independent living myself, and i dare say I am their emotional equal. So for me to raise a child would be akin to an elephant making a house of cards.

Now, you may be asking yourself why am I endulging in such long winded nazel gazing? Well, of course as is the norm I have a mammoth amount of college work due in tommorow, and am fast approaching zero-hour with little of it done. So in times of such crisis I resort to any kind of procrastination that distracts me from working. I think by typing out lots of words I trick my mind into thinking im actually doing something of note. So, I will of course be working into the wee hours of Monday morning frantically attempting to construct something resembling my draft research paper, having farted the whole weekend away drinking pints, attending an MC battle/breakdance jamboree and watching the Beastie Boys on David Letterman.

Fear for the next generation.

Ice Cream For All!

Sometimes I walk around listening to Rage Against The Machine on my mp3 player and i imagine being an anarchist terrorist, wearing a balaclava and firing missiles at McDonalds and AIB, then hijacking an ice cream truck and driving it into the Court House and giving Ice Cream to all the criminals and setting them free.

FIGHT THE POWER

Unfinished Business.

Something occured to me this morning. I can’t finish anything. I start so many things and I just abandon them half way. Games, books, projects, art….even conversations, I even have a half dozen unfinished draft posts for this blog that are just gathering electronic dust. I could fill the Grand Canyon with computer games I bust my balls to get half way through only to stop playing them for some inexplicable reason. And it’s not even that the urge to continue these things slowly fades away naturally, I just stop doing them on a whim completely. I’ve given up on numerous books I was really enjoying. Why? Attention Deficit Disorder? Or just bone idle laziness? It’s like a little switch in my head called “Focus” just flips out randomly. Sure, i’m not even gonna bother wrapping up this train of thought.

A List of Things I am looking forward to…

Saigon
Little embee
Ghostface Killah “Fish Scale”
A Degree
X-Men 3
New Nas Album
The Beastie Boys Movie.
And if the rumours are true and MF Doom is playing the electric picnic, then throw all the above out.

Well, maybe not little embee. That would just be cruel.