Here’s a bit of trivia for you. You know that new fangled “7 Up Free”, well; you will be shocked, appalled and depending on your persuasion aroused to hear that “7 Up Free” is nothing of the sort.
The other day whilst I patrolled the varying lanes, streets and pathways of my native Blackrock looking out for scallywags and ne’er-do-wells, I become overcome with a mighty thirst and swiftly made my way towards the nearest store to purchase a drink to which to quench it. Upon entering the shop I spent a few moments browsing the selection of liquids that were on offer. Having checked the few coppers that rattled about in my pockets I was steadfast in my decision to make a purchase that both satisfied my physical demands and would be lightest on my dwindling funds.
It was then to my utter delight that I spied the offending object. There, in amongst the vast array of fizzy-pops that seemed to span as far as I the eye could see was the Holy Grail. In big, bold letter’s it screamed to the world..
7-UP ….FREE!
Well, the decision was made for our hero. With a grip that was firm and true I grasped the bottle from its semi-chilled domain and simultaneously placed my moneys back in the linen confines of my pocket. With my free beverage tucked neatly in my underarm I made my way out of the shop with the confident swagger of a man who has made a wise purchase. It was then, to my utter shock and dismay as I walked through the doorway that my journey was brought to an abrupt pause by the intervention of the shop keep. This hairy, overtly sweaty man began to shout at me accusing me, of, (brace yourself readers) THIEVERY! Well I never, I muttered to myself.
Confident that I had broken none of the laws of the land in my transaction, I continued on my way. It was at this point that the irate proprietor physically intervened to halt my progress. He grasped my arm roughly and in his gruff, working class bark he shouted.
“Oy! You can’t just nick that!”
I was stunned. My eyebrows were raised, and my jaw dropped (as is the customary facial reaction to being stunned)
“But sir, I doth protest! I am stealing nothing!”, I exclaimed.
“You haven’t paid sonny!”
“But good sir, if you will kindly take a moment to inspect the writing on this bottle it will become immediately apparent that this drink is, as the label says, ‘Free’”
The shop keep took the bottle from me then replied.
“That’s where you are wrong! For the title ‘Free’ indicates that this drink is free from sugar, calories, colouring and caffeine, and as such can help with weight loss as part of a controlled diet. It is for people who want all the original, great refreshing taste of 7-up but without the calories…”
“Ahhhhh….”
With that I saw the error of my ways. For you see, I had mistaken this ‘Free’ title as an indication that this drink was without monetary value and was there to be taken away without the exchange of cash. More fool me! I explained to the man the mix-up, and after a quick trip to the cash register where we completed the transaction, I was off on my merry way, my sugar-free drink in hand.
The End.
