From what I hear, the jury’s still out on science..

Those crazy scientist types are at it again! Not content with having systematically failed to develop a butter that spreads straight from the fridge, or robots that would do our work for us… they are now attempting to OPEN A DOOR WAY TO A NEW DIMENSION in an experiment that has a a 1 in 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 chance of DESTROYING THE PLANET.

Boffins working underneath Europe are attempting to recreate the BIG BANG on a miniature scale by smashing little particles at each other in a big particle accelerator. This experiment has the potential to create tiny black holes that evaporate and possibly even find particles that offer evidence that the three dimensions known to mankind are just a fraction of those that exist. Holy shit! These egg-heads can’t work out a way to cure the common hangover, but will be able to open little portals to OTHER DIMENSIONS? One of the wild-eyed God-wannabe’s even says “It could be that there is a whole new universe a millimetre away from our heads but at right-angles to the three dimensions that are here” Right Angles? Universes Next To Our Heads??? Wow Wee.

I hope these fellas know what their doing, or at least have heeded the warnings of respected scientician and paranormal investigator Egon Spengler who warned us that crossing the streams to open up dimensional doorways has the possible side-effect of “all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light” or Total Protonic Reversal. Better yet, I hope they’ve seen Star Gate and know not to get involved in pan-dimensional wars with Egyptian Folk. But then again Star Gate is shit, so they should just stick with Ghostbusters.

Either way I will be watching out for an exact commencement date so I can prepare for the potential destruction of our planet by taking heroin, killing my enemies and telling you people what I really think of you.