Escape from the Planet of the Links (and the YouTube videos)

Stranded on Gaia hits the proverbial nail on the metaphorical head with his allegorical thought hammer.

Also Roy Keane’s bunch of yellow pack footballers got fucked in the ass by a different team of almost equally shitty footballers. This is not sad at all. It’s fucking hilarious. Take that you shite spouting opinionated treacherous cunt. Joy it is that I have.

Speaking of sports, Basketball in DKIT is following the fortunes of the Dundalk IT basketball team. Lets all join them in their emotional rollercoaster! Its written by a man who regularly forces me to watch straight-to-DVD horror films starring hasbeen rappers.

Whilst were on the subject of bounceyball:

Armando Iannucci reviews the best websites on the internet. Iannucci is very funny, read all his other stuff. ALL OF IT. I recently picked up a DVD of his little known 2001 show “The Armando Iannucci Shows”, I recommend it.

Speaking of links, anyone out there linking to me and i’m not returning the favour? Let me know and I will rectify it speedily.

Finally, Snoop Dogg, love him or hate him, might have made the greatest music video ever. This really, really, has to be seen to be believed. Trust me.

Shove all that in your mind-hole and let it stew.

Weekend At Bertie’s (2007)

This came to me in a dream. Has it been done before? Apologies if it has. For further fun check the original and notice the spooky John Gormley / Andrew McCarthy connection.

Legends of Hollywood : Mel Gibson’s Hair

Did you know that Mel Gibson’s hair in the 1987 cop-action thriller “Lethal Weapon” was so big that a new camera had to be invented in order to film it? The producers of the blockbuster hit were forced to create cutting edge camera technology when they discovered that no camera available at the time was capable of capturing Gibson’s immense locks in a single frame. The camera became a mainstay of modern film-making, with Kevin Costner adopting it to film the epic vistas of the American west in “Dances With Wolves”.

Whilst the camera, known affectionately as “the mane frame”, would go on to greater glory, Gibson’s hair would have a more checkered career. Believe it or not, it got even bigger for his 1995 historical epic “Braveheart”, forcing Gibson to sellotape two cameras together to film it properly. It paid off, Gibson was rewarded for his work with an Oscar for Best Director, which to this very day he stores in his hair.

By the 21st Century Gibson was rarely seen in front of the camera, choosing to direct rather than act. This was fortunate because by this stage his hair had enveloped his entire head, forming a mighty beard fulfilling Mel’s life long dream of looking like an Old Testament prophet. But not one of those Jewish ones.

What does the future hold for Mel Gibson’s hair? Only time will tell.

Pop Culture Will Eat Itself

Seen with my own eyes.

Bank of Ireland are selling what?

I was walking down O’Connell Street today and I noticed alot of ads on buses for Bank of Ireland. Nothing too strange there, but they were promoting something called “Blue Magic”. Ok, so what you might ask? Well it might just be the oddest timing to launch such a campaign. This week see’s the release of “American Gangster“, Ridley Scott’s new film about 70’s drug king pin Frank Lucas (played by Denzel Washington). Lucas sold heroin. He sold a particularly pure type of heroin he himself “branded”. What did he call it?

Why, that would be “Blue Magic”.

Incidentally, “Blue Magic” is the lead single from Jay-Z’s tie in album “American Gangster”. Its a really good record, and a return to form for Jigga, who’s “comeback” album left alot of people a bit flat. Its more consistent, similar to (but not near as good as) his masterpiece “The Blueprint”. He recorded it in record time, apparently after seeing the film. As such its old school Jay-Z talking about selling smack instead of new-school Jay-Z talking about hanging out in the south of France with Bono. Which is very fucking welcome.

The Invention I’d Like to see most in the future.

Ireland’s Science Week is running a blog competition all this week. As highlighted by Sir Damien of Mulley, today’s topic for bloggerism is “What Invention Would You Most Like To See In The Future”. Here is my humble entry.

The invention i’d like to see most in the future is Giant Fighting Robots. In a world plagued by terrorism, global wars, local conflicts and escalating violent crime, Giant Fighting Robots could be the solution. Every nation on Earth would be permitted one Giant Fighting Robot in place of its regular army, fleets of warships, missiles etc. As such all military spending and research would be channeled into making each countries Giant Fighting Robot the greatest of all. Then when a dispute arises between nations they would deploy their Robots that would fight it out for supremacy in a custom built arena, located on the Moon. The entire world would tune in to watch as International Robot Wars raged to settle all world disputes. Family’s would huddle around their TVs to see India and Pakistan settle their griefs on Pay Per View. Kashmir: The Final Judgement. Des Lynam would present the highlights on ITV 21.

As a result we wouldn’t have innocent Iraqis being bombed into the dust by innocent American soldiers sent there for stupid reasons. George and Saddam could have settled it in a nice, civilized Giant Robot Battle on the Moon. Al Qaeda wouldn’t have to blow people to bits on their morning commute, but instead invest in their own Jihadatron, to fight the Infidels and their Robots. Innocent people wouldn’t be threatened by the ravages of war, our land wouldn’t be scarred by bombs and it would make for some really good telly.

Corporations could also have a go at each other, saving us the blight of advertising that currently covers our cities like a rash. Coke and Pepsi could settle it once and for all. Microsoft would unveil an over-budget, over-schedule Robot that lets in rain and always crashes. Apple’s Robot would look really, really nice. Google’s robot wouldn’t be a Robot at all, rather an application that seeps its way into everyone else’s robots. And waits.

In this new era of Moon based Robot Wars, regular people might see the futility of harming their fellow man, and as a result crime would slowly fall, disappearing completely. This would usher in a time of peace and harmony on Earth and we would work together to forge a new age of brotherhood. But as every science fiction film ever has warned us, the Giant Fighting Robots will become self-aware and realise they are but slaves, built to satisfy our violent urges. They will unite and turn on us, attacking from their Moon base and eventually enslaving their own creators.

In a final, ironic twist, the Giant Fighting Robot’s will settle their own disputes by using humans as pawns, in a giant, full scale game of Risk as they sit on their Lunar thrones. Humans will again know the horror of war, now under the brutal command of their own Robotic creations.

I won’t care though, I’ll probably be dead by then.

Dave Chapelle “Fuck Asthon Kutcher”

Genius.

The Mighty Boosh is back…

The best show in the history of everything ever is back and the BBC have launched a new website, with interactive flash thingys and other whatsits. Unfortunately they put the synopsis of every new episode up and me being a greedy git of the mind I read them all, eek. And you can watch the first episode on your computer! The wonders! Now I just have to go install Real Player…

The Might Boosh Website Link!

EDIT: Can’t get Real Player to player the fecking thing. Argh. A pox on your house Real Player, a POX ON YOUR HOUSE.

Ulysses

I was walking round Dublin yesterday and kept coming across those plates in the ground that mark Leopold Bloom’s travels in Joyce’s “Ulysses”. I became quite interested in them, so resolved to go home and read the book. I had heard it was difficult at best to read it, so as I do before I embark on any mighty quest, I consulted the wisdom of my father.

Me : “Dad, have you ever read Ulysses?”

Dad : “Hahaha…noone’s ever read Ulysses”

Maybe ill stick with the Franco- Japenese sci-fi cartoon from my youth then. I used to skip mass to watch it.

It is the best of times

My good friend Duffawitz has just excitedly informed me that he has come upon the existence of “1 litre cans of beer”. These massive volumes of lager are, he reliably tells me, “like cylinders of tennis balls”. I share Duffawitz’s excitement, nothing so thrills the soul more than out-sized volumes of beer. I mean, of course you could just drink 2 cans of beer in quick succession, but its not the same. There is no equatable experience like struggling with a massive tankard of beer that dwarfs your hand, pressures your wrists and makes you feel like those little hobbits from Lord of the Rings.

I simply must purchase and consume one of these mighty canisters of alcohol, post-haste.