I was going to do some kind of review of shit I liked in 2007, but alas, being the season that it is I have drank solidly since December 23rd. Woops! It was like summer 07, not a dry 24 hours. Oh well.
Here’s my favourite song of 2007, M.I.A with “Paper Planes”. Have a good one tonight.
The blurb on the back of my copy of “The Big Lebowski” describes the film as “Coen-esque”.
“The Big Lebowski” is produced by Ethan Coen, directed by Joel Coen and written by Joel and Ethan Coen.
I have had no internets all week, and today like some kind of phone-line-repairing angel, a man from Eircom came on the eve of Christmas and fixed it, just in time for me to say Happy Christmas to all my readers. That’s all I have to say, as I’ve been drinking merrily for days and plan to continue on doing so. So everyone turn off your internets and make your way down to your local and raise a glass for baby Jesus!
On the same day that Iran acquires nuclear material AND reports suggest the first concert by a Westerner since 1979 in the Islamic state will be by Mr. Chris De Burgh and I become convinced that we have officially entered the End of Days, I find out about this. Woop. Olympia, 16th/17th/18th of September 2008. Yes!
As for the de Burgh/Russia/Iran axis of evil, well, that’s just about the biggest threat to Ireland since TB. I can only imagine the chaos that will erupt when Tehran’s populace hear the horrid strains of “Lady In Red”, and angry mobs spill onto the street chanting “Death to Ireland!”. As long as they nuke us AFTER the Boosh i’ll be ok though.
The BBC are ever so helpful, keeping us up to date with the latest kangaroo-killing shark news and such. Amazingly they also find time to inform us how to watch television.
Step One, turn on BBC One
Step Two, point face towards television and keep eyes open
Step Three, try not to kick television to bits when ever Garth Crooks speaks.
Hopefully they’ll do a guide on how to listen to music next, I just can’t work it out.
Have you seen the motion picture Zardoz? Are you aware of its existence on this planet? I’d say most people aren’t. I say this because having seen Zardoz I can only assume most people are unaware of its mystical, mindbending power. Because, you see, if the general populace knew of a bizarre 1970s pseudo-Biblical nonsensical science fiction hippy epic starring Sean Connery who spends most of the film running around in red speedos and knee-high boots, being harassed by semi-nude psychic freaks having invaded their paradise by hijacking a giant flying stone head that he has previously believed to be a God then I daresay there would be worldwide chaos as people tried in vain to understand it.
It has become almost a tradition now that I end up in the house of some friends and they force me to watch The Worst Films Ever Made tm. Yesterday however was a break from tradition as this was not the usual “Hip-hop horror straight to DVD starring hasbeen rappers” theme they love to peddle. It was John Boorman’s completely and utterly shite Zardoz. Although I am the greatest blogger ever (only last week 2 people stumbled upon my blog whilst searching for “Mel Gibson’s hair”) , I struggle to find the words to properly describe Zardoz. Try to imagine Sean Connery in red speedo’s, with a giant mustache running round a hippy commune ran by exposed breasted zombies and you’re still not even close. In one scene, the hippy intellectual elitists who find Connery to be barbaric and brutish, attempt to stimulate him into getting an erection, for you see in their future utopia they have no need for erections, as babies are born inside a giant crystal. So, they strip Connery naked and after a frank discussion of their scientific need to see Sean Connery get a raging hard-on, complete with animation of said hard-on, they begin to show him footage of two naked women, soaped up, writing around. However, Connery, being the devious sex pest he is, won’t be moved by this, but instead shoots one glance at the (pretty foxy) head hippy nutjob and the solider stands to attention for all to see, amazing the hippys and disturbing the rest of us. (Thankfully, you don’t get to see his wood, I daresay if they showed it the female populace would burst instantly in a sexual Armageddon).
What is truly amazing about Zardoz, and something you must under stand to fully appreciate it, is that this wasn’t some bizarre low budget independent film made before Connery made it big as Bond. This was made after he had achieved world wide stardom as 007. And whats more interesting is that it was directed by John Boorman. Who had previously directed Point Blank and Deliverance, and would later direct The General. They even nominated Boorman for an Oscar for Deliverance. I’d say the Academy tried to investigate the legal means to take back that nomination after they found out that his next film, after making the critically acclaimed and Oscar-nominated Deliverance was fucking Zardoz. Boorman is held in high regard for his contributions to the film industry, but people seem to willingly neglect the fact that in the mid-70s he made two of the strangest and shittest films ever. The other one was Exorcist II: The Heretic. Noone ever really talks about Exorcist II, its like that weird uncle that noone in the family talks about who may or may not be a sex offender. Its the only film that I absolutely cannot watch til the end. I have tried, oh Lord I have tried but I can’t do it.
But I was held against my will and forced to watch Zardoz. It has so many bizarre and inexplicable things it would be folly to try and describe them all here. Boorman clearly saw 2001 : A Space Odyssey or took aload of acid, or both then went to work on this freakish artifact. It is incomprehensible, meaningless and wildly and inappropriately erotic. Zardoz. What the fuck. I leave you with this. Women, you can thank me later. Men, cower before the awesome butchness of Connery.
In this extended highlight real of Gary Busey wisdom we delve deeper into his mind, and he reveals some universal truths about the human condition. I think Gary might be some kind of Buddhist monk or Earth bound deity. Research continues.
That will be your fill of Gary for 2007, so use it wisely, like a blind man uses his white stick.
This comes via my friend Alex of the band Toothsticks; Singhn, a Chicago-based artist has launched a massively ambitious project where he will hand-carve the phrase “It’s OK” from wood. One million times. Yup, he’s going to make one million editions of the work, something which he reckons will take over 60 years. I think this is a fantastically brilliant and bonkers idea. Its a nice sentiment, with some lovely art and a totally crazy element all mixed up. For more information check out www.multipolarprojects.com
Toothsticks, incidentally, make wonderfully wonderful sounds and have contributed music to a short video explaining the project, available on the site. Why don’t ya check it out and check out their myspace too.
In this video, Hollywood legend Gary Busey tells the interviewer how one should appropriately interview Gary Busey.
You can never find a USB cable when you really need one.
When you don’t need one? Well, your office is a veritable treasure trove of USB cables of all shapes, sizes, colours and creeds. But when you actually need one, to actually connect something to your computer the slippery fuckers all disappear like plastic snakes.
Most days I can’t move near my computer without stumbling upon one or two, but today, could I find one I wanted? Could I fuck. All I needed was your standard USB-to-small cable. I had a couple of USB-to-fat ones, you know for plugging in scanners or printers, and even a USB-to-really-tiny, that probably only connects to one single device in the entire world, but none of your run-of-the-mill standard normal everyday USB cables. Tomorrow, when I don’t need one, they will magically reappear somewhere I definitely checked, just to taunt me.
Now how will I charge my mp3 player? Am i doomed to take my afternoon stroll without the sounds of Michael Jackson in my ears? Will I have to listen to -gasp- the real world and its obnoxious symphony of cars, wind and children?
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