The new Nike football ad is great..

Although I have had issues with some of Nike’s recent ad campaigns, this is in the fine tradition of their best efforts. Cesc Fabregas is turning out to be quite the thespian. Expect to see him making buddy-cop movies with Colin Farrell in not time. I have to take grievance with the fact that the ad shows the Arse being merked by Man United, Inter Milan and Barcalona. I guess they’re good sports though.

Finally, if the ad wanted to be really accurate, right after C Ronaldo blew the kiss in the Arsenal players face, said Arsenal player would have gotten up and kicked him right in the back of the fucking shins, just like the oily-haired shithead deserves. One to note, Nike.

The Cesc Fabregas Show!

Oh lord! Cesc goes from Drive-Thru Donut Disco party freak to hard hitting agent threatening TV prima donna. Bizarrely, Cesc Fabregas is to get his own one-off TV show. I don’t know anything else about it, but I know its going to be amazing. Hopefully at one stage Cesc and the lads will drive round listening to disco music and eating donuts. Let’s face it, it can’t be any worse than Friday Night’s All Wright (Ian Wright’s long lost late night ITV talk show).

Link: The Cesc Fabregas Show

I’m voting for Obama!

He could have a policy of wanting to nuke everybody and I’d support him after I saw this. If you don’t get it, then you are not cool. Obama is cool. Like Jay-Z! And me. But seriously, I like this. If George Bush did it though I’d immediately destroy all my Jay-Z albums. I can’t wait to vote for Barack. How do we vote for these guys again?

Google is stupid.

Or is that Google are stupid? Either way, they/it is stupid. The number one image returned from Googley image search for “Gary Busey” is Nick Nolte. Nick Nolte!. I would say Nick Nolte is a poor man’s Gary Busey, but Gary Busey is available to all men regardless of income. How are Google one of the world’s biggest companies? They are supposed to be at the cutting edge of the internet, yet can’t even identify Gary fuckin’ Busey. If you own stock in Google I advise you to dump them right now as the second this blog hits the Web, Wall Street is gonna shit its pants. SHIT IT’S PANTS.

P.S. Google, please don’t kick me off the internet. I love you really!

And Robots For All!

Vitamins now kill you and bioethanol which was supposed to save the world is responsible for food shortages and price rises. Ya just can’t win.

I dunno, in this 21st Century were constantly being harassed to abandon “superstitious” and “contradictory” religious thinking and run into the logical reasoning arms of science but from what I can see science can’t make its fucking mind up about anything. I want all scientists to go off and build moon bases (which by now lads, ye really should have gotten on the go) and stay up there til they work out what the fuck is going on. Then come down and tell us what we can’t eat, how to build flying cars and finally give us our silver jump suits. Oh, and robot servants. Whats up with the robot servants? Only Paulie in Rocky IV got one.

The best thing I’ve ever seen.

A friend IM’d this to me today. I don’t know who made it, or where it came from but its the best thing my eyes have ever seen. I think I laughed for 14 minutes solid.

It might kill your computer if your on dial up, so i’ll hide it down here.

National Busey Warning System

Food wars, global credit crisis, economic meltdown, apocalyptic weather, climate change, super-bugs, gang war, drugs, pollution, terrorism, mass protests. The world, as you may know, is fucked. In this climate of fear and doomsaying, the Irish government has launched emergencyplanning.ie. As Jazz Biscuit reported, they have deployed an array of icons to give us an early warning of the impending attack of the usual rogues gallery of bombs, pollution, suspicious packages and other terrors.

Off The Meatrack is doing its part to instill fear and confusion in the populace with the National Busey Warning System.

This clear and easy to follow early warning system will let you know what kind of Gary Busey you may be dealing with. Busey comes in many guises, some hostile, some friendly. Like Jesus he comes both to bring peace and war, all for the benefit of mankind. It is important to know which Busey may be in your immediate vicinity. If, for instance you are Jennifer Garner on the red carpet you will need to be aware of impending Busey strikes from behind. Or if you are a child at the UN asking idiotic questions you will need to know that righteous fury Busey may be in the area. Of course, the system can also be used to alert you to the magnificent force of wisdom that is Gary Busey, distilling love and knowledge like a modern day Buddha. All citizens should be keenly alert to the presence of Gary Busey as Mr. Joshua in Lethal Weapon, he will electrocute your fucking balls.

As Busey himself says “As I was told when I got out of the hospital 2 months early after my death from brain surgery, that I was born with the energy of ten men who have normal jobs”. Think about that.

Happy Busey Watching.

Anti-matter

On Sunday, whilst I enjoyed for the second time in 6 days the spectacle of Arsenal being better than their opponents yet still conspiring to lose, I received a phone call. It was a Manchester United supporting friend. No surprise there. You see, Manchester United supporting friends of mine, more so than anyone else, seem to have an addiction to informing me of how they feel via their phones or the internet as soon as they can. Manchester United sometimes aren’t even involved. But they feel so strongly about Arsenal they simply must let me know. Its not enough to enjoy their own team you see, no, to fully embrace the Beautiful Game they must become 24-7 News Nodes about Arsenal and their misfortune, constantly dispensing information around the clock to me. Anyway, my friend, of course was there to berate me, of course.

The crowd in the background however was surprisingly loud. Thats some pub, I thought. Then I heard the boom of the tannoy annoucing a substitution. Ah. The penny was dropping. He was in Old Trafford. He was ringing me to berate me from Old Trafford. Kudos. (My Other Manchester United friend’s take note, you are slipping)

He then finished his tirade by asking me repeatedly “Are you going to blog about this!? Are you?”.

I’d like to take this opportunity to publicly answer him.

No, no i’m not.

Is the world ready for Chinese Democracy?

As the world watches with billions of intense eyes at China, and awaits its reaction to the unprecedented pro-Tibetan protests that have erupted as it parades the Olympic flame around the globe, possibly the most significant development yet has just occurred. The AV Club reports that the NME reports that Axl Rose, lead singer of Guns-n-Roses 2.0 has finally handed in long awaited comeback record “Chinese Democracy” to record label Geffen after 13 years and 14 million dollars.

Some have called it a “coincidence” that the record, which has been titled “Chinese Democracy” since its inception, should come out now, at a time when the political situation in China is foremost in the worlds thoughts. Off The Meatrack, however, contests that this is no coincidence. Rather, this is the culmination of a 13 year long plan by Axl Rose to bring down the last bastion of Communism through the power of rock. He knew the incendiary licks and intense shrills that he had captured on record should only be unleashed at a time when the world needed it. And what better time than when the games of the Olympiad are due to be played in Beijing.

By December we will be erecting statues to the man who freed the people of the People’s Republic. And his name will be Axl.

Living With Lucy

From ShowBiz Ireland

For her latest RTE commissioned show called ‘Living with Lucy’, Lucy Kennedy gets to spend 3 days living in the houses of various ‘celebrities’ to find out what really makes them tick

The. Mind. Boggles.

Rte just keep comin’ with the good stuff. Celebrity Farm, Celebrity Irish Dancing, Celebrity Staircases, The Roaring Twenties. Now this. A show about people living with your one from Podge and Rodge. That’s the best they can come up with. Of course we lament the car crash telly that Sky One and Channel 4 now pump out, but at least they have some kind of (admitedly skewed) point for existing. But this? Maybe “Living With A Smack Addict” or “Living With A Sex Offender” or “Living With Robert Mugabe”. But Living With Lucy Kennedy? And the people she’s living with? Samantha Mumba. I don’t see the point. Although I could be wrong, maybe “finding out what makes them tick” may mean she smashes their heads open with a shovel and inspects their exposed brains. That’d be alright I guess.

You know what, I know its one of the Irish sore points that is now hard coded into the national DNA and I abhor adding to the digital repository of whinging but the fact we are FORCED to pay for this is amazing. Its bad enough I have to pay to have Eamon Dunphy spew bile weekly, but this? Eeeeee-GADS.

Speaking of Dunphy did anyone else hope and pray Liam Brady was going to punch his face in the other night? G’wan Chippy. Gunner pride.

Brady V Dunphy (via Jim Carroll)