I’m never shopping in Harvey Norman ever again.

And you shouldn’t either. From The Irish Independent:

RETAIL giant Harvey Norman has compared Ireland’s economic downturn to the return of the “potato famine”…..

Speaking at yesterday’s annual meeting, chief executive Gerry Harvey described the performance of his 13 Irish stores as “catastrophic” and said he regretted expanding into the Irish market. But he added that the investment was too big to pull out now.

Phew, just imagine you opened in Ireland; you’d want to go and cut your throat. The potato famine, someone said, the return of the potato famine in Ireland.”

What an absolute insensitive bollox. And them some other twat chimes in with:

“It’s a depressing time for a lot of people, certainly for the executive directors here; we are working so hard, we wish that Ireland wouldn’t return to a potato famine.”

Gee, thanks. But thankfully Harvey Norman’s executives are working hard to try and prevent Potato Blight returning.

I would like to organize some kind of boycott against them, but it seems like no-ones shopping there anyway. And you know what, it mightn’t be just due to the fact that there is low consumer confidence, but maybe also due to the fact that Harvey Norman’s is a fucking rip-off with shit stock, and it always has been. I hope they go down the swanny like Woolworths, no one would miss their shit shops or their annoying radio ads.

Your new host of Countdown…

Is the LIVING LEGEND that is JEFF STELLING.

This is going to be epic. Imagine Jeff when the clock begins to reach the end, he’ll be going bananas.

ITS GONNA GO TO THE WIRE! WILL MATT GET THE CONUNDRUM?

For the partially employed, daytime telly just got that little bit better.

And now, in celebration, the greatest Jeff Stelling moment ever, the “Middlesborough” rant:

If he can harness 10 percent of that madness Countdown is going to get a new lease of life.

Irony, thy name is William Gallas

“Gallas Questions Arsenal Courage”

“Gallas Questions Arsenal Courage”

“Gallas Questions Arsenal Courage”

“Gallas Questions Arsenal Courage”

“Gallas Questions Arsenal Courage”

Good man Billy. For the record, however, he is still one-million times better than any footballer you like and would kick the shins off any ponsy Rugby player. He’s just a dundering idiot is all. But he’s OUR dundering idiot.

Imagine that.

Imagine the scenario.

The team who you have supported since you were a child, a support you have inherited from your dad who has loved the club since he was a child, a support you share with friends, family and neighbours, are playing in front of you. They are beating Kildare County 6-1 in the last game of the season, and until half an hour ago were on the cusp of being crowned champions and thus being promoted out of the 1st division in which they have toiled for the best part of the decade. They have come close before, but seem to have made an art of cocking it up, or being screwed over by the hapless fucks who run the FAI.

But its over.

We need our rivals Shelbourne not to win, but they are 1 nil to the good against Limerick at home and it’s into injury time. They are going to be champions, not your team. Your head is in your hands, it was so close but it has slipped away. It hurts. It hurts bad. You make for the exit, but hang around at the sideline just to clap off your heroes. They did their part, running out 6-1 winners, but its inconsequential now. The last 20 minutes have been played to a deathly silence as it sunk in that it wasn’t going to be our year.

Again.

Then, as you see your players shake hands with the opposition at the final whistle and begin to leave the pitch, the most amazing thing happens. The kind of thing that only happens in comics, or films or in the wildest of your wildest dreams. The crowd are cheering, and more than that half of them are on the pitch in the bat of an eyelid. They are going mental. It couldn’t be, could it?

You don’t want to believe it. You don’t dare believe it. You half mount the fence, but don’t want to run on…yet. Then you look at your mate, who is looking up from his phone and the look on his face says it all. Limerick did it. Those lovely fucking bastards did it. They scored in the 93rd fucking minute.

Within seconds you are hugging strangers, seeing grown men cry, and ringing and texting your loved ones. They are the fucking champions. You are patting the team on the back, you are singing, cheering, dancing, shouting. Six years of struggle wiped away in an instant. What a silly, glorious, mental, unbelievable moment. An hour later you are drinking pints like a man who has discovered an oasis having crawled through the desert. And you still can’t believe it.

You have just imagined the greatest day ever. And it happened yesterday.

Dundalk F.C., eircom league First Division champions, 2008, we salute you.

And Limerick 37, we salute you too!

Trying to come up with an appropriate title would be an exercise in futility.

Needless to say, I have no reason to post this, but it does make me chuckle:

I note that Brendan Grace has a DVD out called “Funny Man”. I fully intend to purchase said DVD then prepare documents for Mr. Grace with the intention of suing him under the Trade Description act. Daddy needs a Nintendo Wii! Incidentally, its just as well this blog isn’t titled “Supplier of Interesting, Insightful, Good and Humorous Writing” or you lot could sue me and all. Well, actually you couldn’t because I don’t get a penny from you blood sucking parasites. Good day to you.

“Let’s not do the 90’s again, apart from the part where we had peace and prosperity”

By the way, thank fucking Christ that Obama won. Seriously. I have nothing really else to add to everything that’s been said this last week. We all know the score. He seems like the real deal, and the air of hope that has replaced the stench of cynicism that usually floats about this world is refreshing. I remember sitting in a friend’s house back in 2003 and watching the first footage of Bush’s “Shock and Awe” light up and blow up the Baghdad night, and feeling utterly and completely helpless. Feeling that our world was being controlled by murderous shitheads who could do what ever they liked to whomever they liked. That they had no respect for the rule of law or the rights of their common man and there’s nothing we could do to stop them. Well, some of those shitheads got cleaned out by our American friends last week. Kudos. Let’s see what happens next.

Bill Maher, as usual, gets it spot on. Watch all of it, its gold.

Obama Conquers Moon!

I call foul, old man McCain was never gonna win a running race to the fucking moon! Still, it was some prize on offer,the chance to be “1st black president”.