I remember a time back when Christmas number ones were chirpy camp little numbers about Santa Claus, and reindeer and unrealistic and frankly ill thought out dreams of celebrating the Yuletide 365 days a year. Now however its usually just what ever cocking cover version the winner of X-Factor has shitted out one week previous. This year its worse than ever, because its Hale-fucking-lujah. The song which is trotted out weekly by a different asinine American drama series to demonstrate the immense sadness that has descended upon the characters due to their girlfriends or mothers or husbands being blown to bits in a fire or getting cancer. I know, i know, the original is by Leonard Cohen and its about wanking or something, but all I know of that song is Jeff Buckley’s version and its ubiquitous use as stand-in for misery because American telly producers can’t be fucked hiring proper actors or writing proper scripts so they just film a 5 minute long montage of people looking miserable. And now Simon Cowell’s latest automaton has warbled out a version. Fuck all of them. Not that i’ve heard it however, I try to avoid the radio like the plague this weather since music officially stopped being good. Its iTunes downloads of music pre-1995 all the way for me thank you. I despise that X-Factor shit, reducing music to a popularity contest. Some woman in America got an oul roasting from Cowell and them lot so she went killed her self outside Paula Abdul’s house. I thought that might make them pack the game up, but I guess there’s still more money to bleed from the populace yet. I can only assume (and hope) that the logical next step is someone gets booted off the show then goes and gets an ice-pick and drives it into Louis Walshe’s tear-streaked face. That, I don’t mind telling you, I would tune in to see.
I don’t watch telly and all either, its all either CSI or medical dramas with depressing cunts. Long gone are the days when medical dramas and cop shows were one and the same, speaking of which me and my mates went for our usual Saturday Subway the other day and were delighted by the sight of a Quincy M.E. / Diagnosis Murder cross-over movie being played on the big tellys in the food court..looks like Quincy had some illness and was admitted to the hospital where your man from Diagnosis Murder does his crime-solving/medicine….must try and download that one. I wonder if Father Dowling showed up at some stage? Also, speaking of mash-ups, can we officially credit Sir Cliff with inventing the genre when he mixed up Our Lord’s Prayer with Auld Lang Syne? Credit where credit is due, plus the video was pretty impressive with Sir Cliff clapping away in a flowing white shirt while 3 videos of dying Africans played behind him. That’s how you do a Christmas song folks. If your gonna do a cover version for Christmas, you might as well cover Jesus Christ himself.
Anyways, other than that rant I’m happy cause its Christmas, I’m off work, i’ve been drinking for 5 days with no end in sight and i’ve spent the last 5 hours making a RoboCop costume for a party. Life, as they say, is good.
