Praise the Lord! I knew it! I’m an optimist by nature, so in the midst of this global credit crunch banking crisis depression recession end of times I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel. And it was confirmed like a ray of sunshine beaming at me, ejaculating positivity all over my face, on Sunday morning when I read this:
“In the depths of the recession, trust Ryan Tubridy to bring cheer to the nation. The rumour du jour in Dalkey is that Ryan, possibly the only man in Ireland not to take a pay cut, has been seeing a Sandycove stunner named Michelle Berkley since Christmas”
Barry Egan wrote that in the Sunday Independent. He wrote it, it was checked by an editor and the decision was made to use paper and ink and electricity to print that thousands of times and for it to be distributed to the nation. There are so many things wrong about that piece of writing that I don’t know if its even worth point them out. Nobody, bar Egan, Tubridy or his bird care about it. And to insinuate it might bring comfort to anyone in this current climate is more mind-boggling than annoying. To be honest, it would be just as offensively enraging had it been produced at the height of the ‘boom’, when were all driving round in Champagne-fueled Land Rovers eating caviar off Plasma Tellys. The assumption anyone cares is almost as offensive as the inference it is “cheering the nation”.
I could be wrong of course. On Sunday morning, the thousands of SR Technics workers who were unceremoniously fired on Friday might have rolled out of bed, contemplating what they were going to do next. To survive. And in the depths of possibly the darkest moment of their lives, they may have stumbled upon Egan’s page and suddenly the most magical thing might have happened. They may have discovered that Ryan Tubridy, a man who is paid extremely handsomely by the state broadcaster which is funded by us, the little people, is going out with a girl they don’t know. And that little nugget, that little gem might have been the spark that lit the fire of hope in their hearts and through back the curtains of despair and let in the glorious light of optimism.
Not fucking likely though. It might actually be the most worthless pair of sentences ever written ever by a human being. And I include Mein Kampf in that. The fact that Barry Egan is paid to produce stuff like that is more outrageous than any scumbag banker getting paid 4 billion euros to rape and pillage our nations finances.
Again, I might be wrong. So, Off The Meatrack asks, does the knowledge that Ryan Tubridy, who you pay the very high wages of and who refuses to take a pay cut, is going out with a “Sandycove Stunner” cheer your heart in the depths of these dark times?
