Weaponized Knowledge

“Even the prospect of early annihilation should not keep us from making the most of our days on this unhappy planet. In the best of times, our days are numbered anyway. And it would be a crime against nature for any generation to take the world crisis so solemnly that it put off enjoying those things for which we are presumably designed in the first place, and which the gravest statesmen and the hoarsest politicians hope to make available to all men in the end: I mean the opportunity to do good work, to fall in love, to enjoy friends, to sit under trees, to read, to hit a ball and to bounce the baby”

Alistair Cooke

Victoria Concordia Crescit

Bring on the Scum.

I’m on a boat

Technology will eat itself

I remember the giddy thrill of hearing the bbbbbiiiiiirrrrrrr–ping! pop! pop! de-dung-de-dung..wuuurrrrr..eeeeeeee….of Dial-Up internet as it slowly, but surely opened up a portal inside my giant, beige Gateway PC to the world wide web. In a pre-YouTube world we patiently waited as Real Player struggled its way through a video, in which we expected to watch small 20 second pieces in between buffering fits. We did not read blogs, we laboriously tried to read lovingly crafted Geocities pages with centered Times New Roman text and animated gifs aplenty. It was a simpler age.

If you had told me back then that in a decades time I would be enjoying the internet as I traveled in a bus, on my small touch screen music device I would have laughed in your stupid fat face, as I waited 2 and a half hours to download an mp3 that cut off half way through.

Today I enjoyed the internet as I traveled in a bus, on my small touch screen music player. And what did I do with this wondrous gift? This amazing product of human endeavor and genius?

I spent my entire time using the wifi on the bus, to tell people I was using wifi on the bus.

The future is now.

The Budget

Having watched our English brothers and sisters rage against a branch of RBS today, I would like to see some of our few remaining Europes put aside for the building of a fully fitted-out, staffed pseudo-bank that members of the public can apply to go in and smash the living fuck out of.

I think the cathartic release of rage in such a satisfying act of primal violence would do the people of Ireland the world of good. This could, of course, become a real money spinner with spin-offs that you could pay to have a go at, including a replica Catholic Church, Property Developer’s office and Fianna Fail Ard Fheis.

Like the God-fearing patriot I am, I am offering this lucrative idea to the State free of charge. I think it could be a good source of income in these troubled times. I would also suggest that should they not offer us such provision that we may have to fulfill our blood-lust on Government buildings for real.

But, let’s face it, we probably won’t. And they know it.

Assume the position!